i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
