somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
