im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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