After last night, I could never be a politician.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
