Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
