Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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