i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
