god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
