Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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