We're facebook friends in real life
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
