the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
