I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
