i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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