Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
