I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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