I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We're too hungover to prance.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
