JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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