i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
