Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
