Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
