I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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