Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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