She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
