Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You don't make any sense
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