Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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