So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
