i think i have two assholes
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
