have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
