you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
