I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
