it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
After tacos, we're chasing women.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
