Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
