so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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