I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
