Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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