Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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