When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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