I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
