someone threw a dead crab at me
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Holy shit dude........stairs
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
