i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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