My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
