Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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