Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
vagina is talking i cant
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
