i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
