I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
