Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
