Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
