Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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