I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
