I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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