It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
