His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
