Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
