I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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