went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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