dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
