You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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