blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
