so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize