he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
