I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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