I am in a vortex of obligation.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
