That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize