i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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