Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
