I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
