My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize