OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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