Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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