I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
