I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize