11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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