so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
