you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
