I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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