But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
