I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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