i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
