did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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