I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
