there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
