She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
