i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
that may or may not have been my penis.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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