I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
