did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
