Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
