You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
